Wednesday, October 06, 2004

TIME TO HEAL

I have had a wonderful time reading so many different Blogs while not being able to update mine. I have discovered new writers and of course continue to visit my regulars. On dooce we were recently given the opportunity of sharing a most incredible journey of child birth, post partum depression, and mental illness. This strong woman opened herself up to the Internet and told it like it was. She shared herself 100% and in so doing served so very many people. It was amazing to see the human spirit shine through her website as people supported her with love and kindness. It was really remarkable. What I found particularly amazing was her courage. Her courage to stand in her total truth and release it to the universe in an attempt to heal herself.

I have only seen one other person do this, my courageous and beautiful friend
Pam Summers who passed away in 2001. We sometimes think that by not saying something, that which we are saying is the truth. I have come to see that this is a cop-out. Without expecting it to turn out this way, my summer of 2004 has turned out to be the most profound learning experience that I have endured in a long time. For some reason, the life choices I make always result in learning experiences being painful for me. I very rarely have the opportunity to go through a light, fun experience and skip out the other end saying WOW I JUST LEARNT THE MOST AMAZING LIFE LESSON. I, for some reason, sabotage myself, put myself through the most extreme circumstances I can, and come out the other end like a hobbling, wounded soldier. But, one thing I do know, I come out wiser, I come out stronger, and I always COME OUT.

I have taken emotional knocks in the last few months from people closest to me and whom I never anticipated could misunderstand anything I said or did. I have seen sides of people that I had never noticed before that have been so extreme they have shaken me to my very core. These things are intense for me. These things take me time to heal from. I come out of these things with a very different view on life to what I might have had in the recent past.

It’s all growth though. I therefore think it is all positive. It pleases me that I am somewhat different today to how I might have been only three months ago. I was inspired by the courage I saw on
dooce and observing her journey from a distance, I see how imperative it is to vibrate at that courageous level of truth – that ultimate – full throttle – in your face with style type of truth!

I visit the orthopedic doctor again soon and hope I will be free to resume using my right arm. I snuck this post through as I have really missed being here and look forward to updating my news of the summer.

 
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