Tuesday, October 26, 2004


My friend Jodi came to visit this morning. It is a rare treat for us to have time together and I love it. I got up early and was actually dressed and ready to receive her at 9am. We were sitting and talking away in the kitchen when I saw the reflection in the oven door of what looked like an extremely large animal on the deck. I said out loud to Jodi “what the hell is on the deck?” and we both went over to the sliding door.

There a large black dog greeted us. Jodi being the animal adorer that she is was greeting him so lovingly that I was starting to feel guilty for not having invited him for Thanksgiving. The warmth she extends to animals is just wonderful and he was responding happily with big barks right back at her. Pingy was immediately alerted and came rushing into the kitchen and immediately assumed her usual shake, rattle and roll position.

The next thing, uninvited guest features starts dragging himself around on the deck in that most outrageous way dogs scratch their butts. I am used to seeing Pingy do it once in a while, but it looked really funny on such a big dog. It actually bugged me that this stranger was dragging his ass around on my deck!

Jodi and I quickly agreed that we were not opening the door. His collar and tags indicated that he was simply lost and not abandoned, but he was not managing to find his way out of my house.

We agreed that the best thing to do was call 911. I felt really silly doing this and somehow it seemed like a waste of their time and resource to place such a call. I did however think to myself that as my husband responds to almost every ambulance call in the town, I did have a foot in the door here.

Within a few minutes of placing the call, the super friendly Sergeant was standing at the sliding door and we were all discussing this still barking, butt scraping black dog. The Animal Protection Unit said they would come and get him as soon as they could.

I noticed something really interesting while chatting away with the Sergeant. What is it that makes one feel so guilty, in psite of your obvious innocence, when you are in the presence of a police officer or going through customs at the airport? I felt like he was scanning the joint and then my imagination ran rampant. I know Jodi is going to be shocked when she reads this and is going to think , how could all this have been going on in that mad woman’s head while I was standing next to her.

I watched as the Sergeant scanned the room and thought to myself that I hoped all drugs and weapons were well concealed in the house. I had visions of us opening the sliding door and butt scraper turning into this mad dog who grabbed Pingy out of Jodi’s arms and swallowed her in one bite.

With that I remembered that my brother in law was actually coming to use our grill. He had some meat he wanted to BBQ and was about to arrive. I again had mad visions of him strolling on to the deck laden with meat only to find this mad dog who would attack the stock of meat and run off with it into the forest. I called him to warn him that the deck had been inhabited by an uninvited lost butt scratcher and that hopefully the APU would get here before him.

This is exactly what happened and when the lady stuck her head in my front door to ask if the dog was perhaps the neighbors, my Alley McBeal moment extended to me lunging down the stairs and yelling at her something to the effect of “yes, you silly cow, that is why I called 911, so that he could come out to call you so that you could walk the dog over the road for me!!”

As but scratcher hopped into the APU truck, I was relieved that he would find his way home safely and called the Sergeant to tell him the guest had been collected. My brother in law arrived and bbq’d his meat and Jodi left.

I wondered if this is what Halloween season does or if maybe I really do need to up my medication?

H.A.P.P.Y H.A.L.L.O.W.E.E.N.