Tuesday, January 31, 2006

JANUARY 31ST, 1962

"Some pray to marry the man they love, my prayer will somewhat vary; I humbly pray to Heaven above that I love the man I marry." - Rose Pastor Stokes


My prayers were indeed answered...twice!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


My love and passion for Mick Jagger and the Rolling Stones was once again renewed on Friday night at Madison Square Garden. Mick walked on to the stage and I started crying. Yes, at the age of almost 46, this gorgeous, energetic, luscious, perfect English lad still has that effect on me.

The show was absolutely fantastic. They sounded slick, pure and did mostly old songs. The audience was incredible and Mick handed the performance over to us for our own rendition of one of my favorites, AS TEARS GO BY. The place was pumping as they proved themselves to still be the greatest Rock ‘n Roll band on the planet.

I can’t rave enough about how extraordinary I think their stylist/s are. Everything the Stones do always has an edge that in my devoted and star struck opinion contributes to their overall magic and appeal. It could be a belt, or a scarf, or even the car parts Keith still wears in his hair, but these dudes ooze style like no other band. While there might be more bald heads in their audience than in most other rock show audiences, the Londoners are sounding and looking hot. When Mick strutted out in the perfect red shirt, with just the exact number of open buttons allowing just the right amount of skin to show, it was hard to believe this dude is in his 60s.

The energy levels rose even further when the stage started moving forward on tracks bringing the band to the center of the arena. The place was rocking and continued that way down to the last note of the last song of the second and final encore.

As always, when Mick did the introductions, Charlie Watts got the greatest applause of all the band members. The crowd was chanting his name and it was touching when Mick and Keith dragged him out from behind the drums and brought him to the front of the stage to receive the adoration from his fans. In a documentary about the Stones, Mick and Keith were sitting a studio and Charlie walked in. Keith looked up and said, “’ere’s the basher.” While one would think Keith was referring to the master basher of drums, Charlie’s bashfulness makes him all the more amazing.

I have now seen the Stones three times dating back from the early 80s. They get better and better and I can’t wait until the next tour – I am sure there will be one and for sure, I will be there. Nothing proves more than this show that sobriety totally rocks!

This is THAT red shirt.

This was then.

This is now.

Saturday, January 14, 2006


Today was one of those days where everything in my life felt just perfect. When I am surrounded by the people I love and it is topped off with a cherry on top in that I feel healthy and energetic, I just thank G-d for all of it.

We went with Marti and Glenn to my sister’s
store for lunch. It was a kind of farewell to Marti who stopped “working” with us on Jan. 6th. I was reminded while we sat enjoying:
the really good food;
the company of the restaurant “management”;
the bliss oozing out of the newly weds on their third month anniversary;
and the great service from the head waiter …
that this was a gathering of the small number of people that make up my family.
It felt real, and loving and oh so uncomplicated!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


I received this video clip in an email today. At the risk of proving the extent of how technically challenged I am, I will attempt to bring it to you here. I hope this works and if you end up with nothing more than a blank space to look at for a few minutes - SORRY!
If not, the fact that you might not speak Japanese does not spoil your chances of enjoying this clip.


The beauty of the truth is that there is just the truth and nothing else. Simple and uncomplicated.
When it comes to lying, there are so many layers to it.

When you bring lying into the picture, it is impossible to avoid the baggage overload that comes with it. I am not sure which aspect of being lied to angers and upsets me more.

Is it the judgment call the liar makes of me that I am not big enough to take their truth?
Is it their judgment call that I will hold a judgment over them about their truth?
Is it the disrespect to the relationship between me and the liar?
Is it the mess that is invariably left behind for those being lied to, to clean up?

What I do know is that there is also the pain for the liar who finds themselves in such a place that the best they can do is lie.

If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.
~ Virginia Woolfe

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


Over the 2004/5 holidays, we visited Tammy and her family on Long Island. A friend of hers had given her a most beautiful scarf. She had knitted it herself, wrapped a gorgeous bow around it, and it made for a most beautiful, hand-made gift.

I was motivated by this and set myself an intention to produce a scarf by December 2005. I couldn’t decide if it would be for myself, or if I too would give it to someone as a gift. I would wait until I was finished it to make that decision.

Guess what? December 2005 arrived, and I couldn’t even find the bag with the few rows of knitting I had worked on. As the month approached I found myself feeling more and more pissed off about not having completed the scarf.

What upset me more than not actually producing it was the obvious message behind it. I was shocked that in the space of one year, I had not made it a priority to do this one thing for myself. I really had wanted to create this scarf. This destined-not-to-be-scarf has given me so much to think about over the last few weeks. The fact that my intention never manifested made me look at how much time I spend on bullshit things. I have stressed about things I couldn’t have changed, in spite of my deep desire to change them. It made me look at how, in spite of my intention NOT to dwell on the crap my step children manifest in my life, I had. If I think of the time I spent trying to make things better between the three of us, and getting naught but shit in return. I wish I had rather used that time to knit my scarf.

I have also thought about how many different people I would have loved to have given the scarf to as a gift. This made me realize that the destined-not-to-be-scarf was a gift I most certainly should have given to myself. On stopping to examine what I had done from December 2004 to December 2005, purely for myself – I was shocked. There was very little I had done for me outside of trying to keep myself alive from one bout of coughing to another. And then I cast my mind back just a little further than December 2004, and I remembered the conversation I'd had with Dr John Bach in October of 2004. We were discussing my coming to terms with using the BI PAP machine when I sleep.

“It’s simple, Dawn,” he said. “Do you want to live or die?”
“To live.” I said, “No question about it.”

I remember how totally 100% clear I was that I wanted to live.

With that same clarity I commit to starting a new scarf this month. I have made a note on my desk calendar, that on December 3rd, 2006 I am to post a pic on this blog of my destined-to-be-2006-scarf. I give myself the gift of at least a minimum of one hour per week to dedicate completely and utterly to myself. I am certain I can produce a scarf in 52 hours and I want to give myself those 52 hours - possibly even more than the scarf!

Do you have a 2006 scarf story?

pic: the ever brave and always knitting
jen gray