Monday, June 19, 2006

YESTERDAY ...

I thought long and hard about what I could post about Father’s Day as a daughter rather than a wife.

I loaned some albums from my Mom. As I paged through them, I found myself thinking the same thoughts that I shared with a friend the other day when I read her blog post about her Daddy. It was only in my adult years, long after my Dad died that I came to terms with my relationship with him. It was always distant and as far as I can recall, somewhere in another family album, there is one photo of me sitting next to my Dad when I was about ten years old.

He was not a man who was able to show his emotions easily unless it was anger or discontent. However, the older I get and the longer I myself am a parent, I understand that he probably did the best he knew how. I was in my early teens when my older siblings made my parents grandparents. It was only then that I saw a side of my father I realized I had always longed for. As the grandchildren were very young when he died, I hope that they have been able to hold on to some of their memories of him. I would imagine that the joy he experienced and expressed as a grandparent must have brought something quite amazing into his experience of life.

While I do believe he is aware of my thoughts and feelings for him now, I really wish I could have one more opportunity to tell him how I feel, face to face. It would make a lot in my life feel very complete. My beautiful little family celebrated a great Father’s Day which you can read more about here.

In terms of my own Father's Day, I sent a lot of love out to my Dad. In some strange way, I felt proud of myself for being in a space where I was able to do just that.

 
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