Sunday, August 31, 2008

LIGHT ...

While the last two months have gone by in what feels like an instant, I also can’t believe just how much has happened in this short space of time. Life continues to come at me at nothing short of a full-throttle pace. At the moment I am struggling to find clarity on how/where/what to post to breathe life back into my blog. This indecision has kept me silent but I feel I must acknowledge that today is our 7th year anniversary in the U.S. of A. We have now lived in America for as long as we lived in the U.K. and it is the longest time we have been at one address in 15 years.

There’s much to write about that has taken place this summer, and in some respects, I feel like I am a year behind in keeping up to date with sharing my life on this page. For now, given the somber nature of recent events – if not the last two years – I am going to make my “comeback” all about “light” things. Simple things that have given me pleasure and that have felt like a treat. In spite of my lack of blogging recently, it is still one of my favorite things to do. I did recently breathe some life in here.

I never read movie reviews but I do like it when people recommend movies to me. My brother in law told me that I should make a point of seeing DAN IN REAL LIFE. For those people who loved LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, you will know what I mean when I say this is a huge, little movie. I love movies that you cry from because they make you feel your own sadness and then they slowly shift you into crying because you realize you are feeling happy. That’s what this movie did for me, and more.

While on the subject of Dan, my DDTF made this delicious tuna starter. If anyone wants the recipe, just let me know. When DDTF puts one of these creations down in front of me, it reminds me of one of the many things that make my love for this man grow more each day. I love how he loves everything he does and when he has to do things he doesn’t want to, he puts love behind that as well believing it just makes it easier to get through. This meal had a whole lot of love in it.


For a light, fun and amusing read, CAN’T WAIT TO GET TO HEAVEN is a treat. I listened to the audio CD. Ross used to ask me to wait until he was in the car before I carried on with it. It’s one of those sweet stories that remind you about how things are never what they appear to be on the surface and that ultimately we all respond favorably to kindness and consideration. The characters are cute and each visit with the book was uplifting.

Although there is usually not much on the box during the summer, there have been some great shows that have captured my attention. SORDID LIVES is off the charts insane. I love it. I laugh from beginning to end of each episode but also see the stark reality that lies beneath the surface of each of these colorful characters. I come to the end of each episode. Check it out if you enjoy something a little bit different.

My most favorite thing is when I get a response from the universe that I can immediately recognize and understand. I am a seeker. I question, I want to learn. I need to know why I am here, what I am meant to be doing. In everything I do, I look for the lesson. I know how to find the blessings in everything, I have mastered that. But I need to know the lesson. At times I wish I didn’t. At times I feel like this way is more a burden than a blessing. When I am in that kind of place, the universe invariably presents me with something that makes me feel reassured about my choice to live as an accountable being. It is usually a simple answer which I complicate with doubt, insecurities and perhaps even a lack of faith and trust in myself. Having come through a very difficult and challenging experience this past week (more on this in the next post) I lapsed into a bit of a pity party last night. It was a very private party. Just before going to bed I heard a song. When you listen to it you might think it is indulgent of me because it smacks of singing my own praises. It is not in this context that I share it. I have had thoughts in my head this week along the lines of wishing for something to remind me that everything is really ok, that I am going to be ok and that sometimes things just happen. I have been questioning myself for a while now about what might be causing the reality of my life to be so different to what is in my head and heart in terms of the life I create. I have been trying to see where I might perhaps be lacking authenticity because I have such a lack of understanding at the moment about why things just don’t seem to be going right for me. When I heard this song, I felt peaceful and got conscious of the thoughts and emotions it evoked in me. It ended and I felt ok. I felt that it is my expectations that are making things feel wrong. I felt as much as my reality feels so far removed from how I want things to be, there is still balance in my life. I remembered that while I might not get the understanding of it all right now, in time I will gain a deeper insight into what has been going on. I allowed myself to be with the thought that things happen, and I was comfortable to leave it at that. I remembered that through difficult times, I need to turn to my faith and not question it. It’s a beautiful song; you can listen to it here.

Thank you for being back here to continue reading my blog. My internet community means the world to me and I am for ever grateful that you never give up on coming back to see what I have to share with you. To my American bloggers, I hope you have had a great summer – good luck for school and college and have a happy Labor Day.
Always the person who saves the best for last, check out some photo’s of the two greatest sources of everything I could ever wish for ... here.

 
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